by When one leaves a relationship of whatever sort, it is because deep in their hearts they are unsatisfied and they have hopes of meeting someone much better with an even better personality or beauty. The reason why you want to leave is that you really cannot continue overlooking their shortcomings and imperfections. However, as soon as we start doubting if they are no longer good for us we also start questioning ourselves on why we think we deserve better and we want to dwell on our shortcomings too to convince ourselves to remain in the same place that no longer gives us joy. We ask ourselves so many questions such as: isn’t it wrong to not be happy with where we are? What guarantees us that there is someone better out there for us? Aren’t we probably asking for the unachievable? Isn’t it all just too much to ask?
Most and probably all of us have the idea of the ideal person we would want in our lives and most of the time we have been told that it is all but a fantasy. That is, whomever we crave and would like to have is out there. You have probably already met their approximation in your day-to-day activities which means we are not mad to want or picture them being good for us. Only we know what we are worth and what we are capable of getting or attracting.
You can never really change someone’s character to suit you
The one big mistake we make is thinking that we still have a shot with the current partner. -that if we gave them a little more time they would change and improve and it will be all good. What we forget is that you can never really change someone’s character to suit you. There is nothing like “I can change them. I just need a little more time”. You can have all the time in the world but you won’t make them move an inch because if the change is to come about, it has to be him/her deciding that they want to change and be a better person for you.
As human beings, we crave companionship and we tend to stay in toxic relationships just to not feel lonely. Someone once told me that these days dating is like crossing a rotten swaying bridge; you hold onto the next person and make sure you are safe enough then you can now leave your partner and the person added “kwanza hii Nairobi”. I don’t know how much you agree with that because it seems like “hii Nairobi” is kind of tricky.
The problem is that we are not guaranteed that with even as many as the earth’s inhabitants are, we will meet that ideal person. However, that is not an excuse to stay in a relationship you are not happy in. you have to agree that sometimes you’d rather be single than in a relationship with someone who always has you on edge. There need not be an assured prospect of successful replacement for you to walk away from any situation that no longer builds you or grows you.
Some may ask, “Is it wrong to have expectations and stick by them whether you find that person or not?” For me, my answer would be “no”. It is okay to have a bar with which you compare who you want to spend your life with because I believe no one is entitled to settle for a mediocre. It is wise to stick to our real expectations whether or not there is a candidate around who can meet them. We are soulful beings and we tend to dampen our souls when we keep settling for anything less of companionship with the right person.
We may end up hating ourselves more and more each day when we think about and see how we allowed ourselves to settle for less than what we are worth simply because we couldn’t stand being on our own for just a little bit longer. By leaving a relationship, we may have not benefitted in any standard way but we would at least be happy that we stayed loyal to our standards.
Always remember that self-respect is not overrated.
